Title: The Night Riley Went Crazy
Author: Robyn the Snowshoe Hare
Part: 1/1
Disclaimer: Rights to BtVS are owned by Joss and Mutant Enemy. Rights to 'The Night Santa Went Crazy' belong to Weird Al.

Author's Notes: The following is my annual holiday fic, written start-to-finish on Christmas Eve, which invariably explains the poor quality of it. This year's is a music parody of "The Night Santa Went Crazy".

Dedication: Okay, it's distressingly long as it is, but I know that people were forgotten. If your name isn't on it, give me a virtual thwap across the head. Some of it is alphabetized, some of it isn't, and large groups are included at the end.

Anya, ObiNorm, Lea TVB, Claddagh, Genevieve, Jane, Mash, Frances, Petronius, Qianca tQC, TJ tDF, Tom, JENeral, Nat, Windrider, Biohaz, Ana, CaBil, Carla, Meteor, ME, Bitca, Felicity, Casix Thistlebane, Gail, Isis, Jai, Zak, Jeanie TTF, Joel TPW, John TFS, Julia, Julie TML, Karen (both of them *g*), Kate Andrews, Katie, Lovely Poet, Kris, Tia, Andra, MeeB, MMT, Mike Donovan, Polgara, Darklady, Jill, Mediancat, IOA, Sara Davis, Bedwyr, Staceydelise, Steph W., Stone Cold, Theo, Ezzy, Vamp Baby, AleXander, Angle Man, Archangel, artemis, Arymede TDB, Avarice, Bec, Blackheart, Buffyenta, Charity, Claris, DeMoriel, greeneyes, Haven, Hollyn, Horizen, Juggernaut, Jymm, Kenickie, kugelmass, LadyJack, Leather Jacket, leelee, Little Sister, Loki, Mallory, Manx, Megdalen, mere, Mike, Mircalla, Misako, Monique, Old One, Onslaught, Ozlady, Peace Fire, RedThunder, RD, Sami, Sara the Brown, Skittery, slay_me, Suekib, The Spots, Jack II, Thy Slayer, TMorel, 1976, white wings, xandman, X-Lander, Matt the Bruins Fan, Carl, the Fictalkers (lovable and loquatious bunch that they are), the crew over at Finnatics (it's been quite a year for us, hasn't it?), the Watcher's Council (may next year bring great fics for us), and the people at the Posting Board.

Happy Holidays for the year 2000, everyone!

And now, I bring you....

The Night Riley Went Crazy

Down in the magic shop
all the Scoobies were makin' toys
For the good Wiccan girls
and the good Wiccan boys
When the boyfriend busted in,
nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and
cheap whiskey on his breath
From his chin to his boots
he was covered with ammo
Like a big flipped drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said
with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all...
now you're all gonna die!"

The night Riley went crazy
The night Lt. Finn went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the Magic Box is gone now
he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces
of Willow's new bonnet
And he tied up the workers
and he held Anya hostage
And he ground up poor Giles
into Watcher sausage
He got Dawn and Joyce
with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Spike
just like Freddie Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower
and he barbequed the Amy-rat
And he took a big bite and said,
"It tastes just like kumquat!"

The night Riley went crazy
The night the Finn Boy went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around lower Main Street
Without steppin' in Scooby Gang guts
rtwrabbit: There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
and helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
and everyone's dyin' to know, oh Riley, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a stable guy

Yes, Cordelia, now Riley's doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Buffy's in therapy
and Tara's still nervous
And the vamps all got jobs
working for the legal service
And they say Ma Finn,
she's on the phone every night
With Lindsey negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' 'bout - the night Riley went crazy
The night Commando Guy flipped
Broke his back for some Buffy nookie
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Riley went crazy
The night Lt. Finn went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have
snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have
snapped... in his brain