"I'm not doing it."
"I was drunk."
"You signed the paper. You have to do it."
"I signed a lot of papers back then. It was college and a fraternity house. I can't be held accountable."
"You're doing it."
"No, I'm not."
"It's his 30th birthday."
"I don't care if it's his *90th* birthday, I'm not doing it."
"You're doing it."
"Because if you don't, I'll show him the tape of you lip-synching to 'Duran-Duran' in drag."
"You're a real bastard, you know that, Graham?"
"I learned from the best, Forrest. Now try this on."
"Pink isn't my color."
Graham walked into the small video store, idly glancing at the movies on the racks as he made his ambling way up to the front desk. "Risky Business" was playing on a TV in the corner, and Graham wondered how long it had been since *anyone* had rented that awful movie.
After a few minutes, he got tired of waiting and just yelled, "Hey, can I get some service here?"
An irritated man with dark hair whipped out from behind a curtained-off area in the back, several videos still in hand, and appeared prepared to completely curse-out whoever had just yelled, but stopped when he realized who it was.
"Hey, Graham, what are you doing here?"
"Needed to pick up the stuff, Xander. I hope to God you didn't forget."
After a moment of thought, Xander snapped his fingers. "Oh, geez, Riley's birthday. Don't worry, I've got 'em. It's just that Anya's pregnant again, and my mind is all over the place these days."
"Geez, don't you two use condoms? You're going to have enough kids for your own baseball team pretty soon."
Xander grinned as he dropped the stack of movies on the counter and started rummaging around beneath it. "Nah, we're still about five short, not counting this one. This time we were using condoms, plus Anya was on the pill, but the stork apparently has our address on his roll-a-dex. Any time now we're just going to run out of baby names."
"Is this where you get the money to support the Harris Herd?" Graham asked with amusement as he examined the cover of one of the videos, which was simply titled, 'OINK'. "Is that a leg?"
Straightening up and dusting off the cover of a medium-sized box, Xander glanced over. "Honestly, I don't even want to know. But, yeah, best idea I ever had was to start stocking adult videos. It's where I get most of my business. Without 'em my store would've gone under the first year. There's just no market for 'Forrest Gump' or 'Gone With the Wind'. Anyway," he shrugged, "are you two seriously going to do this?"
"Hey, a promise is a promise."
"Made eight years ago when everyone was completely drunk. I don't think Riley even remembers."
"Still. It's the principle of the thing."
"Whatever. Just glad I'm not in your shoes, or rather, wheels. I'll see you at the party, then."
"I'll just look for the herd of kids."
"Amazingly, Giles took all the kids for the night. Everyone's, too. Not just the Herd. But just look for Anya -- she'll be the pregnant woman about the size of a house eating all the seafood."
"And you keep telling me that Forrest and I need to quit our bachelor ways and get hitched." Graham said, shaking his head.
"Hey, it's no fair that you two should be the only ones free of wives. You should be as miserable as the rest of us husbands and fathers."
After a long, relaxing day spent with his wife, Riley was almost ready to accept being thirty. That is, until the hour of the party approached.
"I'm not going in there, Buffy." he said firmly as his wife attempted to drag him into the banquet hall.
"Yes, you are. Or I swear that I'll leave it to *you* to explain to Simon and CJ the facts of life."
Riley immediately shut up and followed his wife in.
Inside the hall, there were streamers and balloons. The entire room seemed to be crammed with people who had come to celebrate. Friends from college, some friends from Iowa, and even most of the marines from the base. By the time everyone had stopped congratulating him and settled down to eat, he was feeling more than a little surly again. Everyone seemed to be sniggering at the fact that he was now thirty.
Suddenly a hush filled the hall, and the stereo system launched into the opening lyrics of 'Addictive'. Suddenly Riley remembered a long night of shotgunning beer out of plastic garden gnomes in Lowell House, and a promise that Forrest and Graham had made to him after they were completely wasted.
"They wouldn't..." he started to say, but then stopped and smiled gleefully. Apparently they would.
Just as the chorus kicked in, Graham and Forrest roller-skated into the banquet hall in bright pink tutus carrying Riley's birthday cake.
As the two began the most bizarre floor-show anyone could ever remember seeing, Buffy leaned over and whispered, "Does thirty suddenly seem so bad?"
"Suddenly thirty seems pretty damn good to me."
And the challenge was:
Fluffy goodness for my 30th birthday, June 20.
A 30th birthday party
roller skates (not inline - the old-fashioned kind)
the song "Addictive"
the steamiest kiss (not as part of love-making)
a reference to the movie "Risky Business"
Bonus points for:
a well-sculpted male chest
"Is that a leg?"
a pop culture reference to anything a Buffy/Angel actor has been in
And especially for you, Robyn, a garden gnome!