Title: Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Slayer's Hunter
Author: Robyn the Snowshoe Hare
Part: 1/?
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, not even the concept of a MST/BtVS crossover. That distinction rests with the incredibly talented Jenni W. 'The Slayer's Hunter' is the first story that I ever wrote.

Quick Summary: Buffy, Angel, Willow, Cordelia, Giles, and Xander are stuck on a satellite where the Mayor and Faith are sending them Badfanfic to read, and they keep their sanity by making sarcastic comments.

Dedication: My sincerest gratitude and apologies to Jenni W.


>>The Slayer's Hunter

Buffy: Oh, *great*, this one again.

All: Damnit!

Angel: Does anyone mind if I just get a bottle of whiskey and just stay drunk for the fic?

Giles: You can't. If I have to read this, you have to read this.

>>by Robyn the Snowshoe Hare

Willow: Does the fact that she calls herself a snowshoe hare suggest any kind of mental psychosis?

Cordelia: Is there any mental psychosis it *doesn't* suggest?

>>and Stone Cold

Xander: And apparently merciless, otherwise we wouldn't be subjected to this.

>>Disclaimer: All I own is an annoying personality.

Buffy: At least she admits it.

Willow: They say that the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

Xander: So Angel, would you say that you lurk more than is really healthy?

Angel: Xander, I do *not* have an obcession with lurking, for the last time!

>>And even that is on lease.

Giles: Do you think we could call in her creditors?


Cordelia: Are we going to have to suffer through this infernal chitchat *with* the story every time?

Willow: Probably...

>>My cat Shintsu,

Xander: She's thanking her cat. Well, it's official, we've reached a new low.

Giles: Don't say that, she hasn't parodied "Major Modern General" yet.

Cordelia: Great, just jinx us why don't you!

>>and my dear brother. Who

Angel: ..could have done us all a favor and smothered the author in her cradle.

>>have both trashed innumerable copies of these stories,

All: Go them, go them!

>>causing me to rewrite over and over.

Giles: It would be too much to ask for her to just give up and leave us in peace.

>> -------------------------------------------------------
>> Part One
>> -------------------------------------------------------

Cordelia: We're only on part one? Where is the justice!?

>>The first memory Hunter

Giles: Hunter? Who is Hunter?

Angel: Apparently this author decided to create some characters. This just keeps getting worse.

>>ever had was of his mother.

Xander: The second was of Barney...

Cordelia: Okay, that was just dumb, Xander.

>>He remembered sitting with her on their lawn, watching the sunlight
>>sparkle off of the cross around her neck,

Willow: {checking watch} This is certainly going nowhere quickly.

Buffy: I'm just waiting for a plot anytime soon.

>>and flicker off of the matching cross that had hung around his own
>>neck since even before his earliest half-memories.

Giles: If it was before his earliest memories, how does he know that it was hanging around his neck before then?

Cordelia: That's what I'd like to know.

Buffy: Wouldn't his parents worry that he would choke on it?

Xander: Apparently his parents went for the dramatic rather than the intelligent.

>>She was in all of his early memories,

Xander: {singing} Memories...

Angel: Xander, don't you dare even start.

>>and then he thought she had to be the most perfect person alive.

Giles: Until the police caught her selling drugs out of their house, and locked her up for 15-20.

>>Except for his father.

Willow: Oh, so she *wasn't* the most perfect person alive.

Buffy: I love how this story just ties itself in knots.

>>Hunter adored his father almost as much as his mother.

Giles: The parental battle for the child's affection must've been fierce. It almost sounds like the kid was keeping score.

>>He remembered how his father would throw him up into the air,

Buffy: All the times his father dropped him would account for his extensive brain damage...

>>while his mother cried out to be *careful*. But he laughed at the
>>sensation of free air around him.

Xander: Oh, great, the kid is a danger junkie.

>>And then his father would laugh, and then his mother.

Buffy: Okay, so there was mirth and laughter everywhere. Can we move on?

>>For Hunter, the world was perfect.

Xander: Blah, blah, blah. *Man*, this is dragging!

>>He lived in a small, but comfortable house with his parents.

Cordelia: Actually, his parents lived in the house. Hunter was kept in a dog kennel in the yard.

>>A few doors down, his Aunt Willow

Buffy: 'Aunt Willow'? Oh, great, it looks like Hunter is *my* kid!

Xander: *Aunt* Willow?

Willow: Don't ask me. I'm as clueless as you are.

Angel: {to Buffy} I can't believe you named our son 'Hunter'.

Buffy: What would you have preferred? Angel Jr.?

Angel: Yes!

Xander: Good grief, can we get on with the story?

>>lived with Uncle Oz,

Willow: Well, it looks like I'm getting off pretty well in this fic.

>>and their two children.

Cordelia: A husband, a house, and two kids. Living the American statistic, huh?

Willow: No, if I was then I would have a dog too.

Xander: I think Oz fits into both the dog and the husband categories. {Cordy and Willow smack him} Ow!


Xander: *Jesse*?

Buffy: Willow, what possessed you to name your son after a high-school student who was vamped and staked in the first episode?

Willow: Apparently I was very close to him. And I have an extreme sense of melodrama.

>>was several months younger than Hunter,

Buffy: Hah! It looks like I wasn't the only teen bride and mother in town!

Giles: Actually, according to this story you all at least entered college.

Buffy: Ruin my gloating, why don't you.

>>but extreamly smart, and better yet, devious.

Xander: Yup, looks like 'lil Jesse took right after his mom. {Willow smacks him} Hey! Be glad he didn't take after the original Jesse!

>>Together, the boys made secret plans against Jesse's little sister,

All: *JENNY*??

Cordelia: Geez, Willow, what is it with you and naming your kids after dead people? Did you even *look* at the baby name books?

Willow: Hey!

>>or just made secret plans on how to avoid her. Aunt Cordelia lived
>>on the other end of town,

Angel: Probably on the East Side of Sunnydale.

>>but visited often,

Buffy: Ah, coming to mingle with the commoners?

>>bringing her own son, Trevor.

Cordelia: At least *one* of us was original with baby names.

>>They never saw Aunt Cordelia's husband, as he was a top business

Cordelia: *Hel-lo* high income!

Willow: Ka-ching!

>>and had to travel 45 weeks out of the year.

Buffy: That must put some stress on the relationship.

Xander: Nah, probably just makes it easier for Cordy to meet new guys.

Cordy: I wouldn't be talking right now, Xander. Does the word 'Revelations' mean anything to you?

Xander: {meekly} Shutting up now.

>>Another integral part of his world was Grandpa Giles.

All except Giles: *Grandpa Giles*?? {burst into laughter}

Giles: I don't believe this.

>>It always made his mother laugh when he called him that.

Buffy: Heck, it's making me laugh right now!

>>And so he did it often, until Jesse, Jenny, and even Trevor also
>>picked it up.

Giles: Great, just encourage your children to humiliate me.

Willow: Aw, I think it's kind of cute.

Giles: And it's probably just that reasoning that brought it about.

>>Hunter's world was perfect,

Angel: The authors are repeating themselves again.

Buffy: Apparently they think so little of the readers that they feel they have to keep repeating things over and over so that we don't forget them.

>>until his eighth birthday, which he remembered perfectly.

Xander: When he didn't get the bicycle he had been dreaming of.

>>That was the night his mother died.

Buffy: Oh, great, now I'm dead! This story sucks.

Cordelia: Ouch, his mother died on his birthday. That has childhood trauma written all over it.

Willow: And Buffy thought that *she* had had some bad birthdays.

Buffy: This might be a new champion, but I'm sure that having my boyfriend lose his soul on my 17th and my Watcher try and kill me on my 18th still ranks in at the top ten.

>> -------------------------------------------------------

Angel: Okay, does this mean that we're finally done?

Giles: No, it looks like there are some author's notes beneath it.

Angel: Damn!

>>Okay, what do you think?

Angel: It sucked.

Buffy: Gotta agree with that.

Giles: The same.

Willow: Ditto.

Cordelia: Ditto.

Xander: Well, Buffy's dead now, so all my high hopes for this fic have been crushed. Gotta say that it sucked.

>>I know I accomplished just about nothing in this part,

Giles: Yes, we noticed that too.

>>but both this and the prologue were needed to lay in major
>>groundwork, as I've said before.

Cordelia: What groundwork?

Willow: Well, basically Buffy is married to Xander, but had Angel's kid. I'm married to Oz and have two kids, and you're married to some bussiness man and have a kid. Giles is just there.

Cordelia: And it took two chapters to establish that?

Willow: Basically, yeah.

Cordelia: Arg!

>> Previous Part
>> Next Part

Angel: Ugh. More of this. I'm starting to miss Hell.

Xander: Cheer up, Dead Boy, you haven't been in this yet.

Angel: That was the ultimate jinx, Xander, and you know it.

Xander: {smirking} Yes, I do.