Title: It Was 'I Only Have Eyes For You' I Tell You!
Author: Robyn the Snowshoe Hare
E-mail: snowshoe16@hotmail.com
Part: 1/1
Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy and Co. I own Denise, Karen, and all their wackiness.

Author's Notes: This story is in the same very loose series as "It Was Vampires I Tell You!". The action in this story occurs during the second season episode I Only Have Eyes For You.

Dedication: To Jai, who first asked me to keep writing about Karen and Denise; Tia, who was the one who nagged me do write the thing; and Petronius, who is the beta-reader supreme. Yeah, yeah, I'm working on the adverb problem! {grin}


"Wednesday night at the Bronze. God, could we get any more boring?"

Karen looked up from her drink to gaze questioningly at Denise.

"Denise, there is nothing else to do on Wednesday nights!" she said defensively. It had been her idea to come, and she felt the need to defend it. "Unless you want to do homework?"

With an exaggerated shudder, Denise said, "Okay, I'm now seeing the appeal of the Bronze."

"Besides," Karen continued, "we get to see Ben put himself through the wringer."

Both girls looked up at their male companion, who until now had been gazing fixedly at Buffy Summers. She was standing at the rail and looking down at the band. On hearing his name, Ben turned around with an absent minded "Mmmmm?"

"Ben, just go over and ask her to the dance!" Denise said with disgust. "We've been watching you drool over her for almost a year now, and it's getting old."

The look of terror on Ben's face was truly a Kodak moment, and Karen regretted that she didn't have a camera at that instant, then jumped in on the conversation. "Come on, you nearly flunked Algebra last year because you spent so much time just looking over at her! You probably memorized how many desks away from you she sat."

"Two over and one behind." Ben said, not taking his eyes off of the blond form at the rail.

"The Sadie Hawkins dance is this Friday...." hinted Denise.

"Yeah, but the girls have to ask the boys." Ben replied morosely.

"So ask her to ask you!" Denise shot back, repressing the urge to shove him forward. "Listen, no one has seen her with that dark-haired hunk for months, and I heard from Amy Madison that she broke up with her boyfriend. Put two and two together. This is your golden opportunity, just go and ask her. How could she resist your good looks and charm?" she wheedled.

"You might have a point there," he said reluctantly, adjusting the collar of his shirt nervously.

"See? Now relax before you pull a muscle."

Flashing the two of them a grin, Ben marched bravely into battle.

As Karen turned around to hand her empty glass to a waiter, she noted wryly, "You know, we'd better check to see if pigs have started flying."

Denise laughed, and they both turned around to see how things were going. Both jumped at the sight of Ben back again.

"Chicken out?" asked Denise, just as Karen commented, "That was quick."

Seeing the look on his face though, which strongly suggested that his still-beating heart had been torn from his chest and drop-kicked into a trash-can, Karen quickly realized that things had apparently not gone very well. "What happened?"

"Well," said Ben, not looking up from the floor, "She apparently didn't even know I existed before, and then she told me that she was just coming out of a bad breakup and never wanted to date again. Beyond that, what matters?" he concluded bitterly.

With a small sound of sympathy, Karen rested her hand on his arm. She jumped back when he suddenly said, "Oh, no, that's it!"

"What's it?" asked Denise.

"My shirt!"

"What about the shirt?" Karen asked, trying desperately to figure out where he was headed with this interesting turn of conversation.

"It's purple!"

"Um....yes, it is." Denise said, personally wondering if the rejection had knocked the hampster off of the wheel.

"This is an awful shirt! I look like a nerd! No wonder she turned me down!"

"Ben, I really don't think that it had anything to do with the shirt-" Karen said, but was interrupted when Ben ran off, muttering something about 'going to burn the shirt'.

"Okay, this is pretty weird." Karen noted wryly, watching Ben disappear through the crowd.

"Quite." Denise agreed, signaling for another drink.


The next day in History, Karen and Denise passed the time by slipping a note back and forth. Neither of them felt the great desire to learn about the New Deal, and they were too close to the teacher to hold a conversation. The note read:

Did you hear what happened last night? -D

No, what? -K

Peter Keast got into a fight with Jessica Albetski. -D

That's a first. The two have been 'The Perfect Couple' since freshman year. -K

It gets better. Apparently he pulled a gun on her. -D

A gun?! Peter? He can't even squish a spider! -K

One of the janitors saw it, and so did Buffy Summers. -D

What happened? -K

Apparently Buffy knocked the gun out of his hand, but then no one could find it. -D

Weird. -K

Very. -D

Their note passing session was cut short when the class started laughing. They were both pretty surprised to see that Mr. Eshger had written Don't Walk Away From Me, Bitch! on the board in huge letters. After class, Karen was dumping some books in her locker and they talked about it.

"That was pretty weird." Denise said, looking through her purse for some Lifesavers.

"He probably just needs a vacation." Karen said dismissively. Turning they started off to English.

"Oh, look, there's Buffy and Xander. Wow, could her skirt get much shorter?"

"Not legally." Denise said with a soft snort. "Can you believe that Xander is actually going out with Cordelia? I thought they hated each other."

"So did I." answered Karen. "Weird."


Suddenly, a resounding CRASH echoed through the suddenly silent halls, followed by a surprised yelp from one Xander Harris. It almost looked like something was...pulling him into his locker? Buffy grabbed him and started yanking him backwards, and Denise saw something that looked kind of like an arm. Once again, Xander was slammed into his locker. With a final yank from Buffy, though, he was pulled free, tearing his shirt in the process.

"What the hell was that?" Denise asked in surprise.

"It looked kind of like an arm. Weird, huh?"

"Very." Denise said, still puzzled.

"Probably a freshman prank." Karen tossed off dismissively. "Don't we have a test next period?"

"We do? Oh no! Hurry, I've got to cram!" faced with this crisis, Denise put all thought of the locker-arm out of mind as she shoveled frantically through her bag for her notebook.


Karen was jerked awake at 4 in the morning by the loud ringing of her phone. Rolling out of bed, she crawled bleary eye over to her phone. Picking it up, she snarled into the mouthpiece, "This damn well be an emergency, or someone is going to die!"

"Funny you should put it that way." Denise said. At the sound of her voice, Karen groaned.

"This isn't about that test, is it? Because you already griped for half an hour about how you probably flunked it."

"Nah, I'm over it. Especially since I somehow doubt that I'll have to worry about that test for a while."

"Mmmm?" Karen asked, wondering if she should just give up and get dressed or try and get back to sleep. Both options required hanging up on Denise, and she was already lowering the phone to its cradle when Denise spoke again.

"Well, considering that our English teacher is now very dead, I somehow doubt that she'll be recording my score into the grade-book."

"What?" Karen asked, now wide awake. "Ms. Frank is dead?"

"As dead as Ms. Calendar." Denise said grimly. "Are you noticing how many faculty members are morgue-bound these days?"

"What happened?" Karen replied, mentally brushing Denise's other comment to the extreme back of her mind.

"Well, apparently Ms. Frank stayed at the school late to correct our test papers, got into an arguement with one of the janitors, and he just shot her! He was running off when the librarian jumped him. He doesn't even understand what he did."

"And how do you know this? The papers aren't even out yet."

"Cousin Jerry, one of Sunnydale's finest, was there all night with everyone looking for the gun, but no one could find it. Creepy, huh? And remember that thing with Peter and Jessica yesterday? It happened again in the same area of the school that this did! This can't be a coincidence."

"Yes. It can. It is." Karen said firmly. "So a sickeningly sweet couple had an arguement. They probably got so worked up that they *thought* they saw a gun, and Buffy Summers just spreads weirdness wherever she goes. As for the janitor who saw the gun, we've seen by tonight's little demonstration that the janitors at our school are somewhat less than stable. Besides, by tomorrow Jerry will tell you that they have it all figured out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and catch a few more hours of sleep."

"But-" Denise was cut off by the click of the phone being hung up.


"So," Karen said, settling her lunch tray next to Denise's. "Did Jerry figure it out?"

"Yeah," Denise said, poking cautiously at her Jell-O and watching the wobble with a slight feeling of queasiness. "Apparently George the janitor was high as a kite, Ms. Frank was just an innocent bystander to his dementia, and he must've flushed the gun down a toilet or something before the librarian caught him."

"See?" Karen said triumphantly, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"It just seems so implausible. I mean, the bathrooms are halfway across the school from where he shot Ms. Frank, plus he would've had to pass by the library twice and also I'm not sure that a handgun would even fit down a toile-"

She was cut off when Ben came over and sat down, and Karen let out a sigh of relief and quickly changed the subject.

"So, Denise, who are you asking to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?"

"Beats me. Hey, did you hear that Cordelia Chase is trying to organize a boycott?" Denise snickered slightly. Seeing the downcast look on Ben's face at the mention of the dance, she turned to him and asked brightly, "So, Ben, will you take me and save me from a dull night at home?"

Stuttering in surprise, Ben managed to finally choke out a vaguely affirmative noise. Grinning, Karen was about to comment when the screaming started.


"Karen, our lunch TURNED INTO SNAKES. Now that is definitely not normal!"

"Denise, lunches do not turn into snakes. I heard that it was a backed-up sewer line. Should I wear the red dress or the blue?"

"The blue. Yeah, I heard that too, from Jerry. But that really doesn't explain how those snakes replaced our food right in front of us, yet no one noticed them until they were all in our plates. So, who are you going with?"

"I ran into Mike while they were evacuating us, and I asked him. Isn't this great? School closed indefinitely until animal control can get rid of all the snakes, I get a date, and we have a dance tonight! So would you quit looking the gift-horse in the mouth?"

"Alright, alright. We probably won't have to worry about homework this weekend. Jerry said something about how it would take St. Patrick to clear the snakes out of the cafe."

"This day just keeps getting better and better!"


"Denise, would you mind if I just committed suicide right now?"

"No, I completely understand, Karen. This is probably the worst dance of the century."

"You mean in the history of man. Even in the Stone Age, they must've played more than one song! What the hell is wrong with this DJ? All he keeps playing is 'I Only Have Eyes For You'."

"I'd almost rather be in class than here. The DJ looks pretty freaked out, though. I talked with him before, all of his CD's are different, but they only seem to be able to play that one song. And that has never happened before."

"Denise, you're getting that look in your eyes again. Why don't I get Ben to take you home, or get you a drink?"

"Think a moment here, Karen. First, argument between two kids that allegedly involves a gun. Second, our History teacher does that thing on the chalk board. Third, something pulled Xander Harris into his locker. Fourth, Ms. Frank gets shot. Fifth, our lunch gets turned into snakes. Sixth, only one song from the Cretaceous Period is being played over and over. All this happened over a three-day period. Are you noticing something here?"

"You have too many thoughts?"

"NO! I mean that we have some kind of um...ghosts! Yes! Ghosts!"

"Yeah, right. Ghosts unable to find their final peace are haunting the halls of Sunnydale High killing people and causing a really bad song to be played over and over? Let's get you that drink."

"It was ghosts, I tell you!"


Monday morning, the school opened bright and early, the snakes now cleared) out by animal control, who had apparently spent the entire weekend cleaning up the cafe. Homeroom kicked off with an anouncement from their beloved principal.

"Students. I would just like to tell whoever smashed the side door over the weekend, I will find you and you will be punished to the full extent of my power. Also, whoever left black candles and lighters in the bathroom, lunchroom, and in front of the library, you had better turn yourselves in for questioning. Buffy Summers come to my office. That is all."

Meanwhile, Denise was staring at the speaker as though it held the key to some elusive puzzle. "Lighters? BLACK CANDLES? Karen, that sounds like someone was performing an exorci-"

"Just leave it, Denise." Karen said. "And could you please lay off the coffee? I'm not up to this kind of weirdness first thing in the morning."

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