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Welcome To The Hellmouth

Joss' Version

Cut outside later that evening. Buffy is walking down a dark street, when someone appears behind her. She senses that she is being followed. After walking for a ways, when she gets a chance she ducks down an alley and looks around for a place to hide. A cat yowls and kicks some cans as it runs away. She spies something above her. Angel comes into the alley but doesn't see her. As he slowly walks along, the camera pulls up to reveal Buffy in a handstand on a bar high above the pavement. When Angel has passed underneath her, she swings down and kicks him in the back. He is knocked to the ground, and Buffy positions herself above him with a foot on his chest.

Angel: Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am?

Buffy: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?

Angel: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

She backs off and lets him get up, but keeps her fighting stance.

Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though. (massages his neck)

Buffy: What do you want?

Angel: The same thing you do.

Buffy: (lets down her guard) Okay. What do I want?

Angel: (steps toward her) To kill them. To kill them all.

Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!

She starts a determined walk away.

Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.

She stops, turns to him and looks at him with a wide-eyed gaze. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small box.

Angel: Don't turn your back on this. (tosses her the box) You've gotta be ready.

Buffy: What for?

Angel: For the Harvest.

Buffy: Who are you?

Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend. (starts to leave)

Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.

Angel: (turns back) I didn't say I was yours.

He leaves. Buffy stares after him for a moment, then opens the box. It contains a silver cross and chain. She takes it out, holds it in her hand and takes another glance in his direction.

The Real Version

Cut outside later that evening. Buffy is walking down a dark street, when someone appears behind her. She senses that she is being followed. After walking for a ways, when she gets a chance she ducks down an alley and looks around for a place to hide. A cat yowls and kicks some cans as it runs away. She spies something above her. Angel comes into the alley but doesn't see her. As he slowly walks along, the camera pulls up to reveal Buffy in a handstand on a bar high above the pavement. When Angel has passed underneath her, she swings down and kicks him in the back. He is knocked to the ground, and Buffy positions herself above him with a foot on his chest.

Angel: OUCH! Son of a-!

Buffy: What the hell is your problem? Do you normally follow girls into alleys? Is that how you get your kicks, you pervert?!

Angel: Of course not! Christ, will you just let me up? I don't bite.

She backs off and lets him get up, but keeps her fighting stance.

Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though. (massages his neck)

Buffy: You're just full of witty observations, aren't you? What do you want? I really have better things to do than stand around in alleys chatting with perverts.

Angel: I'm not a pervert! And I want the same thing you do.

Buffy: (lets down her guard) If we both want the same thing, than why not make us both happy by sticking your hand into a garbage disposal unit?

Angel glares at her as he brushes off his coat. Clearly his little trip to the ground has left his clothing somewhat worse for the wear.

Buffy: Fine, what I want?

Angel: (steps toward her) To kill them. To kill them all.

Buffy: If this is your usual way to start a conversation, than it's no surprise that you've resorted to following girls into alleys. What I want is to be left alone!

She starts a determined walk away, managing to stomp on his foot as she passes by him.

Angel: OUCH!

Angel winces and hops on one foot as he continues to harass her.

Angel: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open.

She stops, turns to him and looks at him with an irritated gaze.

Buffy: Are you done yet? Because I really have an elsewhere to be.

He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small box.

Angel: Don't turn your back on this. (tosses her the box) You've gotta be ready.

Buffy: What for?

Angel: For the Harvest.

Buffy: Now was that so hard? You know, you could've just told me that right off, and we would've saved quite a bit of time and effort. And which reminds me, who the hell are you?

Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend. (starts to leave)

Buffy: Yeah, that's an original line. Besides, considering the way we were introduced, I'm not quite sure I want a friend.

Angel: (turns back) I didn't say I was yours.

He leaves. Buffy stares after him for a moment, then opens the box. It contains a silver cross and chain. She takes it out, holds it in her hand and takes another glance in his direction.

Buffy: (muttered) Prick.

Get me out of this loony bin!