Date: Tue 11 Jul 2000 09:49:25
1. What time is it: 9:49 AM. Which means I have a choice between sitting here in the cript and answering this bit of garbage, or being immolated by the sunlight. This won.
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: My family didn't truck with birth certificates. Didn't have to back then.
3. Nicknames: William the Bloody. Spike. A texan I used to know called me Wild Bill for a while, but I tortured him to death a few decades back.
4. Parent's names: Breakfast and Lunch.
5: Number of birthday candles you blew out on your cake last year: 111, if you replace "cake" with "dead mime".
6. Date that you regularly blow them out: March 13. Same birthday as the Hell's Angels, actually. I always liked that.
7. Pets: I had a rotweiller once.
8. Height: 6'
9. Eye color: Brown. Or sometimes yellow.
10. Hair Color: Blonde.
11. Piercings: In an ideal world, the jugular on a daily basis.
12. Tattoos: Not since Seol in 1957. Had that removed.
13. How much do you love your job (1 to 10): Seeing as how my job seems to consist of robbing blood banks and helping you lot whenever I'm short on cash, I'd say around -876.
14. Birthplace: Manchester.
15. Hometown: Lots of places.
16. Current Residence: Sunnydale. Damn it.
17. Been in love before? Damn it.
18. Been to Africa? Twice. The people there taste great, and in some of the more rural areas, you can lay it down to wild animal attack. Nice place to visit...
19. Been toilet-papering? Not in this lifetime.
20. Been toilet papered? Once. The little punk lived for three weeks. You'd be surprised how many pieces of a person can be sent to his relatives in Trick or Treat bags before they die.
21. Loved somebody so much it made you cry?: Damn it.
22. Been in a car crash? You try driving a bloody Citroen in a high speed chase, or as close as a bloody Citroen can come to high speed, and see how long you stay on the road.
23. Croutons or Bacon Bits: Yes.
24. 2 Door, 4 Doors on a car: 4. I'm getting really bloody sick of your cheap modern windup cars.
25. Coffee or Coffee Ice cream: Coffee.
26. Blanket or Stuffed Animal: Skin mags.
27. Dumper or Dumpee: Damn it.
28. Salad Dressing: Blood. Well what did you expect?
29. Color of socks: Whatever's in the sodding drawer.
30. Number: 7.
31. Place to be kissed: Guess.
32. Movies: Dawn of the Dead.
33. Quote from a movie: "Gotta go. I'm having a friend for dinner."
34. Favorite Holiday: Arbor Day. Long story.
35. Favorite Foods: Porterhouse steak, very rare. After you all, of course.
36. Day of the Week: Saturday. Everybody comes out, goes on the streets... goes off by themself from time to time. Mmmm-mmmm good.
37. Song at the moment: Hotel California. Now that was music.
38. TV show: Springer. I love being reminded that I'm going to outlive every single one of those wastes of airwave.
39. Toothpaste: Whatever's on sale. I can't believe you people spend time wondering what toothpaste to buy.
40. Restaurant: Well, I seem to be a bit ostracized from Willy's at the moment, so I guess Chuck's Steakhouse.
41. Flower: Oh, gosh, lovely little tulips. For Christ's sake.
42. Least Favorite thing: Military doctors.
43. Sport to Watch: Hockey.
44. Fast Food Restaurant: Arby's.
45. When was your last hospital visit?: 1895. Doctor in there said something rude in a tavern. Scalpels are wonderful, wonderful things.
46. Favorite drink?: Gee, I wonder.
47. What color is your bedroom's carpet? Stone, with a bit of cobweb thrown in just for that special touch.
48. How many times did you fail your Permit and/or Drivers License test? Never bothered to get one.
49. What do you think of Ouija boards? No real point. There's easier ways to talk to the folks on the other end of that thing.
51. Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one? None of your business.
52. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No, they generally need to find out your name to convict you, and the police have this habit of not getting back to the stationhouse if they try to haul me in.
53. Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? Gary's Liquor.
54. What do you do most often when you are bored? These days, since all the fun stuff's off limits, while away the hours on this blasted thing.
55. What words or phrases do you overuse?: Bloody, probably. Got a problem with it?
56. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away: I know a few fun blokes that usually hang out a few dimensions away. They come over every decade or two.
57. Most annoying thing is: Military doctors. And the sun.
58. Best thing: Killing military doctors.
59. Bedtime: Whenever I get tired.
60. Where did you go to High School: Didn't.
61. Anything else you care to share? I can't believe I've been reduced to filling out questionaires on email.
When I get this chip out of my head, and I will get it out, I intend to dissect you while you still live, after drinking the heart's blood of everyone you've ever met, for sending me this, and even moreso for the fact that I have nothing to do but answer it.
There are more, right?
Please, God, let there be no more.