Title: E-mail
Author: Genevieve
E-mail: floppy@home.com
Part: 1/1

Author's Note: This is an email series from the scooby gang to each other during college. I took popular email forwards and "buffy-ed" them up so they apply to the slayerettes. Get it? Got it? Oh well :)--


Series #1 - The California Drivers Series

Thought you guys might find this interesting… actual answers put on a driving test. And Cordy? I’m looking at *you* -- Buffy

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
Cordelia: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
Cordelia: The gorgeous brunette - who also saves the world at least once a week - applying her makeup

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Cordelia: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
Cordelia: Daddy’s car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
Cordelia: Get the other guy to admit he was the one who plowed into your porsche

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
Cordelia: Chase’s don’t get buzzed, we get slightly intoxicated

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
Cordelia: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Cordelia: Make eye contact and smile "hello" if he is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
Cordelia: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
Cordelia: Get a police escort. Being late for a hair appointment is a felony in some states, you know.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
Cordelia: Always look pretty

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
Cordelia: One word: Polyester.


--Series #2 - Bumper Stickers

I know some people we can attach these to…-- Oz

I love humans ... they taste just like chicken

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Friends don't let Cordelia drive

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a Will, I want to be in it!

:::grins::: hi baby!

Miss French is the best teacher; Unfortunately it mates and eats all its students named Xander!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

i souport publik edekasion

Watchers, be nice to your Slayers. They'll choose your nursing home.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Making out in a broom closet can’t hurt you until you cast a love spell that backfires and cause every girl in your town to fall in love with you until they want to kill you.


--Series #4 - The Rules for Being A Slayer

Funny with the last one, Buff. Curious Slayer, aren’t we? Well, you know what they say… < vbeg >-Xander--

Rules for Being A Slayer

1. You will receive a destiny. Like it or hate it, it will be yours to keep for the rest of your life.

2. You will learn lessons. You have a full-time teacher called your Watcher. He may be stuffy, annoying, and very very *very* British, but he’s there anyway so make good use of him.

3. There are no Slayerettes. You are not allowed to have friends. Unless, of course, you’re Buffy Summers. You’ve broken every rule anyway, why not one more?

4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. Like, Wesley will continue whining until you finally learn to deal away with him. Getit?

5. If you don’t learn easy lessons, they get harder. Only the all-knowing Xander can save you now.

6. You will know when you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice, but a stake through the heart can solve almost anything.

7. "There" is no better than "here" meaning that even though we want you to have a normal life, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. At least Slayers don’t get zits, right Buff?

8. Mirrors are a cool way of killing mothers of Witches who try to kill you and take over their daughter’s body for a spot in the Razorback Cheerleading Squad.

9. Your life is up to you. So you can hop a greyhound, but we prefer you to not ‘cause then we’d miss you.

10. You always get what you want. Superhuman strength is part of the Slayer package. A little punchey, a little kickey and a little stakey can result in a lot of lucky.

11. There is no right or wrong. Trust your judgement. Or your stake, whichever you prefer.

12. Your answers lie inside you. Instinct is your best friend. Aside from Xander Harris, of course.

13. You will get this and you *must* follow protocol, unless you’re Buffy Summers.

14. If you’re Buffy Summers: We love you anyway.