Author's Notes: Thanks to the Watcher's Council, and to Andra and Gena for their feedback.

Conan O'Brien: Hi, welcome back to the show. Before our commercial break, we were speaking with Joss Whedon, creater of the hit TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".

Joss waves

Conan: Mr. Whedon, what motivated you to make the recent, and very drastic step, of changing Angel into a cow?

Joss: A vampire cow, actually, Conan. I'm very excited about how this is unfolding. We're exploring whole new dimensions of Angel's character.

Conan: As a cow.

Joss: Yes.

Conan: How did David Boreanez take the news that he was being replaced by a heifer?

Joss: I've been hearing that question a lot lately, and let me just crush that rumor right here. David is still Angel, and he is in every episode for the rest of the season.

Conan: As a cow?

Joss: Yes.

Conan: How does that work? Because I've seen some of the recent episodes, and I must say that he looked very, well, *bovine*.

Joss: Well, we did have to use a stand-in for some of the more visual scenes.

Conan: So the stand-in would be an actual cow?

Joss: Yes. Bessy is a delight to work with, a true professional.

Conan: So, how are you putting David in?

Joss: Well, we have David standing behind curtains, hiding in closets, and sometimes creeping around behind backdrops.

Conan: So David does not appear in the show.

Joss: Well......no.

Conan: Can Bessy act?

Joss: Well...um...she has this enormous sort of *presense*...er, no.

Conan: How have the other cast members reacted?

Joss: They have all been very welcoming and supportive of Bessy, though Sarah did have some trouble with some of the scenes we had planned for Buffy and the Angel-cow.

Conan: Yes, I heard, and I believe you brought a clip to show us of that....

cut into a video clip, set in the library. SMG is looking from a script, to Joss, to Bessy

Sarah: This is *NOT* in my contract!

Joss: encouragingly Oh, come on, you kissed a girl in that new movie of yours.

Sarah: That is *VERY* different from kissing a *COW*.

Joss: Just get into character! Remember, this is Angel, your true love, just a little more...er...bovine than usual.

cut from scene, back to talk-show

Conan: So, how did that turn out?

Joss: Actually, the WB executives objected to a trans-species relationship, so we had to re-write the rest of the season.

Conan: How do you feel about that?

Joss: I'm pretty bitter.

Conan: Well, since we'll never see it now, how would have this season ended?

Joss: Well, Angel and Buffy again start to become closer-

Conan: cutting him off Okay, now I see what the execs had a problem with. checking watch So, how is this going to affect the plans for the new series starring Angel?

Joss: Oh, our plans are still on.

Conan: Wait a minute, your show is going to star *A COW*?

Joss: Vampire cow.

Conan: O-kay. Moving on, how have the fans reacted to your rather drastic plot twist?

Joss: Well, I do believe we've managed to put season two's re-appearance of Angelus entirely in perspective as far as strains on the relationship between Angel and Buffy go.

Conan: This is true.

Joss: We've had some mixed reactions from the fans, much akin to the death of Ms. Calendar.

Conan: Oh, yes, the "Snap Heard 'Round The World."

Joss: Reactions have ranged from delight-

cut to scene where twenty or so fans can be cavorting around a room in several impromptu dances of glee, while what appears to be a barbecue is being held. Hamburgers are in abundance.

Joss: To grief-

cut to scene where a group of girls can be seen lighting votive candles in front of a shrine to David Boreanez. Tapestries have been hung on the walls that read, "Come back, Angel."

Joss: To acceptance.

cut to scene where a group of Joss-Groupies are sitting quietly around a table discussing this latest whip-lash-like plot twist.

Joss-Groupie-1: Joss has said it.

Joss-Groupie-2: Therefore it must be.

All: Ave Joss, hail to the lord of Buffydom.

Conan: I found all of those scenes quite disturbing. So now that Buffy is once again single, do you have any more plans for your little game of musical couples?

Joss: I've actually always wanted to see what kind of a couple she and Xander would make.

the audience erupts into turmoil. Some calling for such a hook-up, others denouncing the very idea of one. Crowd-control marches in with tear-gas guns, and order is gradually restored.

Conan: looking nervously at the audience You've said before that Xander is based on what you were like as a teenager.

Joss: Loosely, yes.

Conan: And lately Xander has become quite the player, going from Cordelia, to Willow, to a brief, VERY brief, tryst with Faith, and now to a possible relationship with Buffy.

Joss: Yes...

Conan: Could it be that the character of Xander might have some deeper meaning for you?

Joss: Probably not.

Conan: Well, you'll be happy to note that we have a very competent psychoanalyst backstage just waiting to come out. Join us after the commercial break to watch us psychoanalyze Joss Whedon!

fade out to a lovely commercial starring that obnoxious Snuggle Bear